Yesterday I decided to buzz my hair. Everyone was getting a haircut, and I’ve always wanted to buzz my hair just to see what it would be like, but I never had because, like Cognitive Behave Yourself, I have a high forehead (and large ears), and in general I have a small head and larger body so I thought it might look strange. But when is a better time than now to find out? So I threw caution to the wind and let my friend buzz it all short.
Looking at myself in the mirror last night, I looked sort of like an oddly round-cheeked Vulcan, and sort of like a friend of a friend. I always have an expressive face and the absence of hair exaggerates it. My ears aren’t really that big (I think…).
Mostly, I keep forgetting that I have shorter hair at all, since my normal cut is low-maintenance, so looking in the mirror is surprising (as is attempting to ruffle my hair, something I do when I’m tired or thinking). I learned that my hair doesn’t stand up when it’s short, but just falls down.
I got a lot less reaction at work than I expected; mostly positive. That was nice. Then I was walking home today and I saw some guys coming the other way. I wondered what they might think of me, and realized that I didn’t care. It seemed okay, for a moment, to be myself without any pretense. To be just a regular working person going home to her cat, carrying toilet cleaner in a water bottle pocket in a backpack. Just one different ordinary person among many different ordinary people.
I guess I’ll find out as things go along whether a little doing something that you’ve always been afraid to do because of what people might think may result in greater clarity about how much it matters what people think. I’m still going to grow my hair back out, though.