I’ve been keeping a list of my 101 with all the completed goals removed on my wall over my desk to remind me of what to try next. Today I put up a picture using the same thumbtack that I wanted to look at for a while, of Candace Wiggins (Stanford star basketball player). It was in the Stanford Daily when I picked it up for some light reading recently. I find the picture compelling in its mixture of human power, triumph, joy, and determination. But it also occurred to me that covering over my 101 acknowledges something I’ve realized in the back of my mind for a while: my 101 is stalled.
A lot of things I’ve been trying to get done are stalled, some for boring reasons like I’ve been working a lot or I forgot. But some seem to be stalled because right now I’m not in a mode where I can deal with things that require a lot of overhead. I’ve had trouble trying to get more organized at home and work, trouble getting excited about meal planning and cooking, and been more borderline on timely completion of house and finance chores. I don’t exactly know why that is, though I have a suspicion it’s because I’m dealing with some personal things that require a lot of internal overhead and so I just don’t have a lot to spare to deal with other things.
I also think it’s worth asking myself if I just don’t want to do some of the 101 anymore, or if I need to clean up the goals that are overwhelming so that they’re more manageable. Or if I even don’t want to do the project at all anymore because I need to focus more and having 101 goals (well, about 75-80 now) is just too overwhelming. I did realize that I put a lot of goals that have to be done repeatedly or completely, instead of picking a smaller number of the same thing to complete. The fact that I still haven’t completed about 75% of the goals even though a whole year has passed indicates that it’s not going to add up easily. It’s not supposed to be easy but it is supposed to be fun, and it doesn’t feel fun right now.
And part of the problem is tracking and blogging it, too. I don’t really plan to 100% blog it, but if I skip too much I have a hard time remembering what I’ve done so far and what I haven’t, and then the posts themselves tend to take a long time and are often, I think, a little bit boring because I go into round-ups instead of detailing the interesting aspects of something.
For now I think I’ll try paring it back and see how that goes, but I think won’t be surprised or (ideally) disappointed if I end up needing to focus more energy on a smaller number of things and ultimately not being able to complete it.